New York woman losing sleep over whether to lend $900 to a friend in an emergency. The Ramsey Show gives her a ‘hard no’

If Jenna truly felt moved to help, they advised, she had to treat it as a gift, not a loan — and be prepared never to see that money again.

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The fine line between helping and enabling

Jenna’s story strikes a nerve because it’s familiar to many people. Financial experts say there’s a difference between helping someone going through a rough patch and enabling bad behavior.

According to nonprofit credit counselor InCharge Debt Solutions, enabling happens when providing one-off financial support escalates into a habit. To prevent that, the organization suggests that when providing help in an emergency, you have a discussion about how to manage similar situations in the future, including by building an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.

They also say it’s OK to ask for the borrower’s budget and a detailed plan of how the money you give will be spent. If it’s at all possible, give a gift, not a loan — nothing fractures relationships like a debt hanging over your head. Similarly, they suggest offering non-financial help if money isn’t in the cards for you. They suggest chipping in with childcare, transportation or meals at your home, and to be wary if the person says cash is the only solution (3). Perhaps Jenna could reconnect with her friend and offer support in other ways.

Finally, don’t let helping others get in the way of your needs and goals. A March 2025 report from Savings.com said parents who continue to support their adult children are often putting more money toward their kids than toward their own futures — spending more than twice as much helping grown children as they contribute to retirement each month (4).

How to say no without losing your peace

If you find yourself in Jenna’s position, the first step is to separate emotion from math. Before you agree to anything, ask yourself: Can I give this money away with no expectation of getting it back, and without damaging my own goals? If yes, go ahead. If not, then that’s OK. Next, communicate clearly. Skip elaborate justification. A simple “I’m sorry, I can’t afford to help financially right now” is enough.

If you genuinely want to help but can’t afford to pay, look for non-financial ways to do it. Offer to help your friend budget, connect them with local resources, or provide emotional support. But avoid playing the role of chronic rescuer, as it can trap both.