'You're Holding A Pen And A Blank Piece Of Paper,' Dave Ramsey Tells 43-Year-Old After 20 Years Dating A 56-Year-Old With $10K For Retirement
After two decades together, a long-term relationship began to feel uncertain.
Sarah, 43, told "The Ramsey Show" that the realization didn't come from a single argument or breaking point, but from confronting what the future looked like after spending most of her adult life with the same partner.
She has lived with her boyfriend for 18 years, splitting rent in Southern California while keeping their finances separate. Sarah said he is 56 and has between $8,000 and $10,000 saved for retirement after years of financial instability.
"You're holding a pen and a blank piece of paper," co-host John Delony said. "You get to decide what story you write next,"
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Twenty Years Of The Same Financial Fight
Money has been a consistent source of conflict. Her boyfriend did not contribute to a 401(k) at work until she pushed him to do so, and even then, it came late in his career. Money arguments kept resurfacing over the years, without producing any real change.
"You just said that as though you just figured that out," Delony said.
The issues were not limited to money. Sarah said the relationship had been sexless for nearly nine years, and opening it up eight years earlier did not change that, and leaving felt harder than continuing in the situation.
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A New Financial Shock Raises The Stakes
Sarah learned that her boyfriend's mother took out a reverse mortgage eight years earlier, withdrawing about $500,000 for medical care. With roughly $40,000 left, her boyfriend told her they would need to help financially, even though he had little saved for retirement.
"What does that have to do with you?" co-host George Kamel said.
Sarah replied that their finances were fully separate, with no joint accounts and no shared debt. She covered groceries, while her boyfriend paid utilities.
She had about $45,000 in savings, roughly $8,000 in checking, and had put money into a 401(k) at every job. She carried no debt but drove a 15-year-old car with more than 220,000 miles and would likely need to replace it.
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Kamel contrasted the two situations: Sarah has no debt, savings in place, and a long history of investing, while her boyfriend is asking her to absorb financial problems he never addressed.
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